


fool my heart (as if i'm okay)

by ryliner



Category: GOT7
Genre: M/M, soulmates au but SAD
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-13
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-27 11:44:16
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13880163
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ryliner/pseuds/ryliner
Summary: When the red string appears between them on a Tuesday morning, Yugyeom can't say he's surprised.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> the soulmate thing is basically that a red string will form between you and your soulmate, and that's how u know. enjoy! (took me long enough to jet out a yugbam fic.)
> 
> (edit: i have decided to EXTEND THIS FIC)

When the red string appears between them on a Tuesday morning, Yugyeom can't say he's surprised.

Anxious, yes. Pleased? Maybe. Surprised, however, not quite, because ever since he's known what soulmates were, and for as long as he's been acquainted with Bambam, he's had this inkling suspicion that it _would_ be him on the other end of the red string, and it's just not a shock when it actually happens. The red string turns out to be less troublesome than Yugyeom thought, and he's more caught off guard by the weightlessness of the thread than he is with who's on the other side. Of course, after the string manifests, Jaebum insists on a group meeting to take place in order to discuss recent _events_ , to which Jackson demands whether or not this has anything to do with Bambam barricading himself into the safety of his apartment in his attempted evasion.

"Jacks," Jinyoung hisses. "Not in front of Yugyeom, _God_." 

"It's fine," says Yugyeom, not really bothered as Jackson mutters a half-assed apology. He's more or less come to terms with Bambam's less than stellar reaction to their red string, and slumps in on himself to avoid Jinyoung's pitying stare. "I didn't really want to have this meeting, either. Seriously. It's no big deal, right? We've had a red string appear between members before." 

"Right," says Jaebum, whose own string attaches itself in a loop around Jinyoung's index finger. "We have, but... You know." 

 _My soulmate didn't turn tail and bail_ , is what Jaebum leaves unsaid, and Yugyeom should've felt that one coming. He covers his face with a hand and finds it difficult not to want to disappear. 

"Look, has anyone actually _been_ over to Bambam's? Dodging our texts doesn't necessarily mean he's avoiding Yugyeom. It could just be that he--"

"I went," says Youngjae, looking apologetic when Mark deflates. "No answer. It was like no one was even home, but I could hear his cat toys through the door." 

"He's home," confirms Yugyeom, giving a little tug to the red string with a flick of his finger. It tremors slightly and then falls still. He can't quite explain it, but on the other end, Yugyeom knows exactly where Bambam is, and tries not to feel suffocated by the wave of fear that is unintentionally transferred down their line of connection as Bambam balks, hidden somewhere in his apartment and unable to escape the red string tying him to Yugyeom. 

He sighs. So much for returned affections. 

Jackson makes an annoyed noise, and all eyes except Yugyeom's zone in on him. "Do we have to make such a thing out of this? So what, Bambam's scared. Big whoop. Does that really come as a shock to you all?" 

"Don't be so brash," says Jinyoung, patting Yugyeom's knee with a comforting hand. 

"I'm _not_. I'm just saying, this shit isn't meeting material, OK? We're all busy people. We don't have time to sit down and dissect Yugyeom's feelings." 

"Jackson," says Jaebum, sounding stern. "That's enough." 

"Oh, come on.I just don't understand why you guys are acting like you have to walk on eggshells! Yugyeommie, on a scale of one to ten, how affected are you that Bambam is avoiding you?" 

" _Jackson_." 

" _What_? It's a fair question." 

Mark shifts uncomfortably. "Is it?" 

"No," answers Yugyeom, speaking up for the first time in a while. His fingers have curled in on themselves, wrapped around the pinkie on his left hand. It _hurts_ , seeing the red string filtering out from the gaps between his fist. It sucks. He looks up, narrowing in on Jackson with a cold glare. "If you have such a problem with this, then get out. I'd honestly just appreciate it if you shut the hell up rather than project your irrational jealousy onto me. It's not my fault that you're the only one without a red string. It's not any of our faults." 

" _Jealousy_?" Jackson springs up from where he'd been sprawled across the couch, expression thunderous. 

"Enough," says Jaebum, before the situation can escalate further, gesturing for Mark to pull Jackson down beside him. "Jackson, stop being an ass. Yugyeom, you too. This isn't about petty squabbles. This is serious." 

"Easy for you to say," Yugyeom mumbles. "You're practically married to your soulmate." 

Beside Yugyeom, Jinyoung shifts, removing his hand from Yugyeom's knee as if burnt. "Hey now," he says, clipped in his tone. "Let's all try to refrain from turning on each other." 

Yugyeom sighs, already feeling guilty for upsetting the group. To be fair, they're not why he's distressed (well, except maybe Jackson), and he knows they're only trying to help. A red string forming between group members is a big deal, and considering they already have Jaebum and Jinyoung connected by the thread, this impacts all of them, whether they like it or not. Jaebum initiating a group meeting was probably intended to figure out what to do, but Yugyeom doesn't even know where to _start_ , that's the problem.

Miserably, he gives a resigned tug to the red string circling his pinkie, completely unsurprised when the line remains still, stagnant as if leading no where. 

Somehow, Bambam's rejection feels even worse when under the scrutiny of the group. 

 

 

 

Jaebum manages to put their schedules on hold for at least a week. 

"I know this is hard on you," he says, when stopping by Yugyeom's room that night. Even though he's doing his best, Jaebum's check-up just feels like pity, and Yugyeom rolls onto his stomach in hopes of communicating that he's not in the mood. Jaebum doesn't seem to get it though, and remains hovering by the doorway as if wanting to say more. Eventually, he exhales, and Yugyeom can just about imagine the deep-set furrow probably settling between Jaebum's eyebrows in his frustration. "Yugyeom," he says, gruff around the edges. "This isn't your fault, but try to talk to him, OK? No matter what, you're the only person he'll listen to. Remember that." 

At this, Yugyeom barks a laughs into his pillow, glad that the sound is muffled. 

He waits until the click of his room door sounds, signalling Jaebum's exit, before sitting up in bed, fumbling around for his phone in the folds of the sheets. 

 _Try to talk to him_ , Jaebum said, as if that's not what Yugyeom's been _doing_ for the past sixteen hours. He thumbs open KKT after locating his phone, disappointment hitting him like a punch in the gut when he sees that his spam of messages to Bambam has been read and, unsurprisingly,  _ignored_. Even if it's what he'd been expecting, it's still a shitty feeling, and Yugyeom resigns himself to a night of intense sulking, complete with the latest animes Jungkook has recommended via MyAnimeList.

It doesn't make him happy, but it works in easing the worst of his heartache. 

Playing with the red string with shaky fingers, twirling it round and round his pinkie, Yugyeom wonders if Bambam is as sad as him. 

 

 

 

 _i'm sorry_ , Jackson texts, somewhere between three and four in the morning. 

Yugyeom is, depressingly enough, awake to receive it, swiping on the notification in hopes of it being Bambam, deflating a little when he sees that it's Jackson. Still, he types back a quick reply, not wanting to leave Jackson on 'seen' for too long. _it's okay, hyung_ , he ends up saying, feeling regretful for having snapped at Jackson earlier. Out of all of them, he's the only one without a red string. Ironically enough, he's the only one who wanted on in the first place, hence, what Yugyeom said wasn't fair, even if Jackson had started it, and he hopes to get that across through KKT. _i'm sorry too_. 

Jackson is Jackson, though. Reconciliation is easy, and in celebration of their restored friendship, he spams a succession of stickers in his excitement. It makes Yugyeom smile a little, eyes bleary with sleep, and almost smothers Bambam's response in between messages of animated gifs and proclamations of love. 

Yugyeom doesn't miss it however, and sits upright in bed, laptop falling to the side as he holds his breath after seeing that Bambam has replied.

He's almost afraid to open the conversation, but forces himself to do so when apprehension inevitably wins out against dread. For once in his life, Yugyeom doesn't know what to _expect_ when he brings up the chat window with Bambam, and exhales in a gush of air when he sees that, with a roll of anguish resurfacing in his stomach, Bambam has typed a simple, _i need time._ It seems he has left Yugyeom's hoard of texts relatively unanswered and proceeded to quench any form of emotional progress that Yugyeom had attempted in terms of feeling better. 

No apology, no acknowledgement. Nothing. 

Yugyeom covers his face with a hand, the one without the thread, and chokes on a sob. He wishes then, with everything in him, that he could just yield a pair of scissors and severe the red string if it meant cutting off the soulmate that didn't want him--to get back the best friend he's ever had. 

There, by himself in an empty bed, he wishes it were that easy.


	2. don’t forget us, don’t forget (me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Yugyeom loves Bambam already, that goes without saying, and whether or not it's because of the red thread intertwining their destinies, Yugyeom swears he's felt this way before--has always seen Bambam as more than just a best friend.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a re-upload due to technical difficulties?? apparently chapter 2 is not visible to some people... i hope this fixed tht?

Yugyeom admits that asking Lisa out for lunch is a bit on the desperate side--but he doesn't know what else to do.

"I know you're his childhood friend and I shouldn't even be asking," Yugyeom tries to defend, clearly failing beneath Lisa's disapproving stare. "--but I couldn't think of anything else to try. My members are useless, no offence, and they watch me like I'll crumble at any juncture; like if they say anything not hyper-analysed beforehand, then I might cry. There's just an age gap in between us that makes it so they don't understand, and I end up being treated like a kid whenever they try to help. I know it's the same for Bambam too, and he already finds it difficult enough to approach us about  _emotional topics--_ which is why I asked you to meet me today."

A short silence follows Yugyeom's unintentional word vomit, until Lisa clears her throat.

"I'm not a therapist, Yugyeom-ah," is what she finally says, quiet and calm. They're barely five minutes into the conversation, yet Yugyeom can already tell that it's a lost cause. "You said it yourself, you shouldn't even be asking in the first place. How do you think Bambam would feel if he knew you were here?"

"He does know I'm here," says Yugyeom, glum and raising his hand to give a tug on the red thread.

Lisa looks even more unimpressed at that, and leans back in her seat. "Not really helping your case," she says, fingernails drumming atop the table's surface. Yugyeom's never seen her so scary before; has always witnessed Lisa as a sunshine-y persona, kind and warm-hearted. It's no wonder Bambam likes her so much, especially considering their longterm friendship shared between families, and Yugyeom understands the protectiveness that comes along with Lisa's scrutinising glare. He's intruding on affairs that Bambam's probably already told Lisa in private, yet a tiny flare of childishness in him threatens to demand that Lisa tell him exactly how Bambam is feeling--  _why_ he's doing this without even a word of closure.

Yugyeom stamps out the juvenile urge with a tightlipped smile.

"I'm sorry," he says, worn and unable to meet Lisa's eyes. He feels ashamed for acting on impulse, wishes he'd spent just a little more time thinking on whether or not he  _should_ confide in Lisa for information on Bambam. Maybe then he'd have realised how bad of an idea it'd be. "I put you in an awkward position. I shouldn't have asked this of you."

"No, you shouldn't have," says Lisa, fiercely loyal though Yugyeom admires that.

Something in him discerns that he wouldn't have wanted her to betray Bambam anyway, even if it meant leaving him in the dark. It's a thought that tears at his heartstrings, a painful reminder that he hasn't seen Bambam in nearly a week, and he struggles to sit upright, settling on running frustrated fingers through his hair in rough strokes. "I appreciate you coming to meet me," he says, in between pangs of emotion that flood down from the line of connection he shares with Bambam. Feelings of sadness, loneliness and anxiety practically choke Yugyeom through the thread, but fear rears its ugly head and overpowers the rest. "Please just," Yugyeom finds it difficult not to break down in the middle of a coffee shop. "--can you tell him that I miss him? And that I... I understand--?"

Lisa stops tapping her nails on the table long enough to make a doubtful noise. "  _Do_ you though?" she prods. "Do you understand?"

"No," Yugyeom admits, already expecting the continued hostility as he scrapes himself together poorly, not wanting to come off as more piteous than already presented. As a kid, he always believed that soulmates would never not love each other, that there was no fairytale in which a match did not succeed. He loves Bambam already, that goes without saying, and whether or not it's because of the red thread intertwining their destinies, Yugyeom swears he's felt this way before--has always seen Bambam as more than just a best friend. "No, I don't get it, but I... I'm  _trying_. I really am. Doesn't that... Doesn't that count for something?"

"Maybe," Lisa says, too vague to decipher whether or not she actually sides with Yugyeom; even remotely. "Maybe it does count for something."

That's all that Yugyeom gets out of their conversation, and it's no more than he expected.

 

 

 _you shouldn't have asked lisa to meet you_ , is what Bambam texts, almost four hours later. It's the last day of their break from schedules, so of course Bambam would choose now to acknowledge Yugyeom after an excruciating one-week cold shoulder.  _i want to believe that you can respect my privacy, yugyeom, so please_. The follow-up message sends Yugyeom's thoughts hurtling into fast anger as he processes the insinuations of Bambam's request. It takes everything in him not to go off on his best friend for leaving him anguished without even a trace of remorse, and the crack down the line of his heart deepens.

 _sorry_ , Yugyeom types back, fingers shaking. Through the blinding fury he feels, he knows he means it.  _i didn't know what else to do_

Bambam's next reply takes almost fifteen minutes, and Yugyeom is about to write it off as the end to their stale interaction, but the chime of KKT suggests otherwise as he fumbles to swipe on the notification.

 _give me time_ , says Bambam, a taunting mantra that settles low in Yugyeom's gut, twisting in its mockery.

 _time for what_? Yugyeom asks, a jaded line.

Conveniently, however, it's then that Bambam chooses not to reply, leaving their chat hauntingly empty and Yugyeom's question expectedly unanswered. At that, Yugyeom shoves his phone to the side, ignoring when it topples off the side of the bed and clatters onto the ground.

It  _sucks_ , on so many levels, because he should be feeling elated and pleased to have found his soulmate, unlike say,  _Jackson_ , but instead, he’s wound tight with tension and anger, furious at Bambam's stubbornness, his unwillingness to take this head on, but especially-- _especially_  at his cowardice, his failure to be Yugyeom's best friend, because, no matter how strange being a soulmate is, no matter how much he hates it, Yugyeom needs him.

He really fucking does.

And it's  _weird_ , but Yugyeom is actually a pretty pessimistic person in some aspects, especially during his trainee days when he would imagine not debuting at all, visualise being let go by the company on early contract termination to meet his disappointed mother, to look her in the eyes and tell her,  _I'm sorry, I didn't make it after all_. He's thought up countless bizarre and unlikely events in which he gets kicked from GOT7, spent a while just days ago wondering if it was possible that he and Bambam could ruin their relationship by changing it into something it's not. He cooks up the worst case scenarios for nearly everything he does and has had people getting pissed off at him for such a negative attitude (read: Im Jaebum), but he has never,  _ever_  imagined Bambam leaving the group. Him, maybe, but not Bambam. He’s not sure he’s even entertained it as a vague possibility before, and now-- _now,_ the very idea makes him want to scream and curl into a ball, not move until Bambam promises that he won’t ever leave.

Yugyeom's not sure he could stop him, is the thing. The past few days seem too full of shifting territory, and Yugyeom suddenly doesn't know where he stands in Bambam's life.

It spirals off a train of things he's taken for granted about Bambam, like the warmth that spreads whenever Bambam so much as touches him, the way Bambam always makes him feel like he matters. He wishes then, that they could return back to the days before all of this, before their responsibilities, before GOT7 even, where they were just two kids in a dorm room, shoved into parallel bunks and forced to interact. Yugyeom regrets ever hating Bambam during their trainee days, feels sorry for any time they’d ever argued because of his jealousy. It’s kind of a stupid and cliché thought, but at the same time, he's feeling like his universe isn’t even centred around being in GOT7 like he originally imagined, and maybe it never was, because all he can think about now is Bambam, lying in his bed in his apartment, making a decision that’s going to change Yugyeom's world forever, irrespective of Yugyeom’s take on the situation, regardless of how he feels.  

A dull ache makes itself known then at the possibility of rejection, guised as a sharp pain in his chest, and Yugyeom cries out at the burn. A rough sob wracks through his body as the twinge, nestled like a knife in his heart, intensifies the longer Yugyeom is away from Bambam, the thread running thin. Yugyeom clutches at his chest, claws with desperate nails, because he's heard rumours before--tall tales that suggest how red strings tend to snap following an unsuccessful match.

He wonders then, with the blanket pulled over his head in an attempt to calm down, if his fate is permanently resigned to a broken piece of thread, an indicator of his failure as a soulmate, and he chokes. 

The thought--it  _hurts_.

 

 

Schedules resume like clockwork, and Yugyeom is immediately thrust into a dance practice for an upcoming showcase.

"We can't afford to take any more time off," says Jaebum, apologetic when they start on stretches. Him, Jinyoung, Mark and Yugyeom are the first ones at the practice room, all before Bambam, Youngjae and Jackson, who tended to fall behind in terms of punctuality. "Try not to get overexcited when Bambam arrives. You might feel like you want to jump him, but hold back."

"I'm not going to maul him, hyung," says Yugyeom, ears red-tipped.

"You might not think so now, but just wait 'til he comes." Jaebum sounds serious, taking on a sterner tone than before. The subject is embarrassing in itself, but the fact that Jaebum seems to be completely comfortable discussing it  _really_ just makes things a whole lot worse. Yugyeom feels like he's getting the 'Sex Talk' all over again, and he can barely look Jaebum in the eye, let alone respond accordingly. "This Soulmate thing is no joke, Yugyeom-ah," Jaebum insists, even despite Yugyeom's frequent grimaces. "It's a direct manifestation of your raw emotions, so don't underestimate that."

"Hyung," says Jinyoung, butting into the conversation by sitting beside Jaebum on the floor. Immediately, their hands find each other, and Yugyeom looks away. "You're humiliating him-- _stop_."

"It's important though," Jaebum argues back, swivelling Jinyoung around to begin kneading at his shoulders without being asked. It's such a sweet gesture that Yugyeom feels sick. "He needs to know."

Yugyeom turns his back on the pair when they begin to bicker, not wanting to listen any longer as they fall into a private conversation. It's a bad habit of theirs, where they unintentionally ignore and block out the world to focus solely on each other as all else blurs away like background noise. It's not an uncommon thing to expect, especially of soulmates, but for Jaebum and Jinyoung, their priorities are undeniable and set in stone, worse on some days where it's practically impossible to tear them apart. Yugyeom can't help but feel a twinge of envy at their tight-knit bond, and he approaches Mark for an interaction absent of pitying stares and silent judgement.

By the time Jackson and Youngjae arrive, Jaebum has run the four of them through half a dozen warm-up exercises. 

"I don't appreciate this tardiness," says Jaebum, breathing hard through his nose as Jackson offers a grin, Youngjae right behind him. When the pair pass Yugyeom to fall in line for warm-ups, Jackson squeezes Yugyeom's shoulder with a hand, leaning in to mutter a, 'stay strong, maknae' as Youngjae mouths, 'fighting!' Sure, Yugyeom appreciates the thought, but the actual gesture itself is so embarrassing and a little too cringe-worthy that he looks away without a response, ignoring when Jackson gives him a flick for  _being rude_. Jaebum works them hard on circuits until somewhere between ten to fifteen minutes later, when the training room door opens and Bambam sticks his head in, bearing a sheepish smile after having not seen the boys for a full week--as far as Yugyeom knows, anyway. 

"Sorry I'm late," says Bambam, dipping his head in Jaebum's direction as he shuts the door with a click. 

Immediately, Youngjae makes an awed noise, Mark mumbling an 'oh shit' as Jackson slings a heavy arm around the back of Yugyeom's shoulders. "Look at your  _thread_ ," says Jackson, voicing all their thoughts as he marvels at the red string with childlike wonder, reaching out to touch but flinching away when Jinyoung grabs his wrist. " _Ow_ , I was just  _looking_." 

"Then just look," says Jinyoung, stern and stealing a concerned glance at Yugyeom. 

Upon Bambam's entrance, the red string shared between them has flared to life, almost glowing like the embers of a dying fire. It catches Yugyeom completely off-guard, to see the thread drenched in such a crimson, that it sends a shudder to run down his spine, goosebumps left in its wake as the line of connection begins to tremble, ever so slightly, as if vibrating with the waves of emotion being carried down its body. "Wow," says Yugyeom, an understatement of his amazement as he takes a step closer, surprised to see when the red string intensifies in colour and when Bambam  _doesn't_  back away. "Is this supposed to happen?" 

"Not regularly," answers Jaebum, who looks more annoyed that their practice has been disrupted rather than amazed by the literal glow of Yugyeom and Bambam's thread. "It happens if soulmates are apart for too long. It's happened once or twice for Jinyoung and I, because of schedules, but if it's earlier on in the soulmate bond, then it's more prone to occurring." 

"Hang on," says Jackson, still with wide eyes. "You're saying this happens for every soulmate if they're separated for too long? Their thread goes up in flames?" 

"Not flames, and not necessarily," Mark murmurs, having drifted to Bambam's side. "It kind of depends on how long you and your soulmate spend together on a daily basis. Obviously, with couples like Alice and I, we're long-distance, so the red string adapts with it. A few months at a time doesn't hurt us anymore, nor does the thread flare like this whenever we reunite, but a year or two can take its toll. Jaebum and Jinyoung spend practically every moment together, so it's difficult on the bond if they spend, say, a week apart. Yugyeom and Bambam, on the other hand, are newly matched, so the string hasn't yet had the time to adapt. That's why they could be experiencing sharp pains when apart or flare-ups in the thread when they meet." 

"Wow," says Youngjae, the first to speak following Mark's explanatory speech. "Someone's an expert." 

"Enough," says Jaebum, when Mark begins to bristle at Youngjae's sardonic tone. Not wanting to encourage a squabble, Jaebum nudges Bambam along to join the group, ignoring when Bambam swears on a stumble. "We've got no time to be standing around and gossiping like coffees shop ahjummas. Bambam, make sure you're not late next time, or there will be consequences." 

"Yes, hyung," Bambam mumbles, falling into step with Mark, just in front of Yugyeom as Jaebum continues their warm-ups. 

No acknowledgment of Yugyeom whatsoever, and it’s almost painful, to be so close yet so far with Bambam right in front of him.

Still, Yugyeom bites his tongue on the urge to pull Bambam aside, demand what the hell he's been thinking over the course of the week and possibly displace their entire friendship with one confrontation.

It wouldn't be smart anyway, especially knowing how sensitive Bambam got when in a mood like this, so Yugyeom just stays silent, and allows it when Jinyoung manoeuvres him in beside Jackson instead, as far away from Bambam in the confinements of the practice room. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> not to fear, because a happy ending will be reached! in chapter 3, unfortunately. anyway, thanks for reading this far if you have, and make sure to leave comments on what you think as i love reading them and adapting them into my story. hmmMmM a bamlisa friendship? yes please !

**Author's Note:**

> [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/yugbammer) and [twitter](https://twitter.com/yugbammer) . come hmu!


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